Posted in Mental Health Struggles, Miscellaneous

The feeling of dread

I am scared.

I have an appointment this evening, something I have been putting off for so very long. I’m dreading it and dreading the outcome and all that. The fear mixed with the shame and wrapped up in my old friend anxiety. Needless to say, right now I feel sick.

Here’s the thing, I know that this is not only irrational, but very much of my own making. Everyone’s response is “there’s nothing to be worried about” and then doing it is “important”. I know both of things are true and I know that this is all irrational. Never changes how you feel does it? So tonight I go, am taking SuperSam with me, mostly because I will keep my shit together in front of him. I have tried to rationalise, improve my positive mental state over it and last week I even sought help from a hypnotherapist. Yes, we are at that point. But 10pm last night, it all hit me at once. I know that this is the start of me getting this under control, I know that. But right now I feel anxious and full of dread.

But fear tells you that you can’t, fear tells you that you are alone. Fear lies.

I have been helped in this as with all of my journey by my amazing wife, the MIGHTY Rosie. She is my biggest booster, my conscience when I need one and the swift kick up my arse when I need that too. Recently I have needed the kick a bit too much. I am trying, but that’s hard to see on the outside.

Part of the hypnotherapy session was to give me a tool to cope and to keep moving forward. Well I remembered a mantra that I read years earlier.

“I can.”

“I must.”

“I will.”

This idea is stronger than my fear, my shame and my avoidance. This idea is bolstered by the love of my family and the knowledge that the better version of me that I want to be is a person who will do the things that scare him. So I will. I will show my son that fear can be conquered, because if I can show him, I will be able to see it myself.

We are stronger than we think we are, all of us.

That includes me.

That includes you too.

I will be posting something more positive tomorrow as well as context for this stream incoherent ramblings.


Posted in Uncategorized

Reboots and Re-imaginings – Wolverine and the X-Men: In which we learn that animators don’t know how comas work.

Thursday’s Pilot Era post

Pilot Era

First aired:23rd January 2009

Voice Cast:

Steve Blum  –  Logan/Wolverine

Jim Ward  –  Charles Xavier/Professor X

Nolan North  –  Scott Summers/Cyclops

Fred Tatasciore  –  Dr Henry McCoy/Beast

Danielle Judovits   –   Kitty Pryde/Shadowcat

Yuri Lowenthal  –   Bobby Drake/Iceman

Liam O’Brien   –   Warren Worthington III/ Angel

Richard Doyle  –   Senator Robert Kelly

Kieran van den Blink –  Rogue

Roger Craig Smith –  Forge

Kari Wahlgreen –  Emma Frost

Michael Ironside  – Colonel Moss

Gwendoline Yeo  – Neena Thurman/Domino

Mark Hildreth  –  Pietro Maximoff/Quicksilver

Tom Kane  –  Erik Lenscherr/Magneto

Reboot Specifics:

What and When was the Originial? X-Men: The Animated Series (1992)

What did they keep? The team name and several of the main characters.

What did they change? The focus of the show and many of the cast as well as a…

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Baywatch: In which we learn about different flavours of cheese and crazy-eyes.

A slice of cheese from Pilot Era

Pilot Era

First aired: 23rd April 1989

Cast (Main):

David Hasselhoff – Mitch Buchannon

Parker Stevenson – Craig Pomeroy

Shawn Weatherley – Jill Riley

Billy Warlock – Eddie Kramer

Erika Eleniak – Shauni McClain

Gina Hecht – Gina Pomeroy

Peter Phelps – Trevor Cole

Brandon Call – Holbie Buchannon

Monte Markham – Captain Don Thorpe

Madchen Amick – LaurieHarris

Synopsis: Malibu pier and Mitch Buchannon is canoeing with his son Holbie, racing against Mitch’s colleague Jill Riley. On the freeway, lawyer Craig Pomeroy is heading for the same beach, choosing his part time job of lifeguard over the law and not for the first time based on the conversation he has with his wife by car-phone. Rookie lifeguards Shauni and Eddie bump into one another. Shauni is happy to see a familiar face on her first day as a lifeguard, Eddie is less enthused.

Mitch and Holbie talk about the custody…

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Smallville: In which we learn when to give a child the ‘you’re an alien we found in a field’ talk. (Done)

Thursdays Pilot Era Post going up up and away

Pilot Era

First aired: 31st December 2001


Tom Welling – Clark Kent

Annette O’Toole – Martha Kent

John Schneider – Johnathan Kent

Kristen Kreuk  – Lana Lang

Allison Mack – Chloe Sullivan

Sam Jones III- Pete Ross

Eric Johnson- Whitney Fordham

Michael Rosebaum – Lex Luthor

John Glover- Lionel Luthor

Synopsis: Smallville, Kansas. CEO Lionel Luther is in a helicopter with his frightened son Lex. Lionel admonishes his son for his showing of fear before they land an meet with the Ross family to discuss a land deal. In the centre of town, Johnathan and Martha kent visit Nell’s flower shop and say hello to her niece Lana Lang. All in all, it’s a nice small town sort of day. Then a massive meteor shower hits the town.

Lionel’s helicopter is grounded, Lex runs from the wreckage into a cornfield, finding a teenager tied to a post like a scarecrow wearing only…

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Burn Notice: In which we learn that Michael wanted to be a TV presenter.

Midweek Pilot Era

Pilot Era

First aired: 28th June 2007


Jeffrey Donovan – Michael Weston

Gabrielle Anwar- Fiona Glennane

Burce Campbell – Sam Axe

Sharon Gless – Madeline Weston

David Zayas – Javier

Ray Wise  – Mr Pyne

Paul Tei  – Barry

George Tasudis –Oleg

Arturo Rossi – Sugar 

Chance Kelly – Vincent

Synopsis: Warri, Nigeria. Michael Weston is standing on a corner and is picked up and taken to a meeting, a gun kept on him the whole time. He is there to meet Boris, whom he plans to pay off in order to protect an oil pipeline, until he calls in the payment details and then it all goes wrong. You see as we get in the ubiquitous voice over narration, Michael Weston is a US intelligence operative, doing all kinds of covert work all over the world, or at least he was, as he learns in the phone call, he’s…

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Unforgettable: In which we learn that might the be the dirtiest thing I’ve ever heard.

Almost forgot, a Pilot Era Post for a Thursday

Pilot Era

First aired:20th September 2011

Cast (Main):

Poppy Montgomery  –  Carrie Wells

Dylan Walsh  –  Al Burns

Michael Gaston  –  Michael Costello

Daya Vaidya  –  Nina Inara

Kevin Rankin   –   Roe Saunders

Cast (Guest):

Deanna Dunagan –  Alice Wells

Sofia Jean Gomez  – Catherine Grant

Roxanne Hope Radja  – Wendy Wilson

Brian O’Neill  –  Frank Harbert

Clem Cheung  –  Mr Lin

Synopsis: Carrie Wells is helping out at a care home, showcasing her perfect memory, whilst tending to a woman who doesn’t know her, that is clearly her own mother. That night, she uses this perfect memory (a symptom of the condition hyperthymesia) to play cards at an illegal casino, then gets away from the casino’s owner Mr Lin, who takes umbridge at her success. She goes home alone and nostalgically gazes at some old postcards until finally she sleeps…

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The Blacklist: In which we learn to root for the ‘bad guy’. (Done)

A Pilot Era post

Pilot Era

First aired: 4th October 2013


James Spader – Raymond Reddington

Megan Boone – Elizabeth Keen

Ryan Eggold – Tom Keen

Harry Lennix – Dept Director Harold Cooper

Diego Klattenhoff – Donald Ressler

Synopsis: Outside the Washington DC Office of the FBI, a man in a hat and suit walks in and asks Deputy Director Harold Cooper. The then walks to the centre of the lobby and surrenders to the army of federal agents that now surround him.

This man is Raymond Reddington, a former Naval Intelligence officer who disappeared in 1990 with a large amount of classified information and then became the underworld figure known as the ‘Concierge of Crime’. He tells Cooper of a known kidnapper called Zamani, long thought dead, who arrived in DC that day to kidnap the daughter of a prominent army officer. Reddington offers to help, but will only speak to Elizabeth Keen. No…

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Posted in Comics n Stuff, TV Stuff

Champions of S.H.I.E.L.D Part 6

There are spoilers, since the series only finished here last month.















Agent Melinda May – Ming Na Wen

Agent Leopold Fitz – Ian De Caestecker

Agent Gemma Simmons– Elizabeth Henstridge

Daisy ‘Quake’ Johnson – Chloe Bennett

Alfonso ‘Mack’ MacKenzie –Henry Simmons

Elena ‘Yo-Yo’ Rodrigues – Natalia Cordova

Zeke Shaw – Jeff Ward

Recurring Cast:

Sarge – Clark Gregg

Agent Piper – Joel Stoffer

Agent Davis – Joel Stoffer

Enoch – Joel Stoffer

Dr Marcus Benson – Barry Shabaka Henley

Izel – Karolina Wydra

Overview: Having lost their legitimacy, their headquarters, some of the mid-level cast and their close connection to the MCU, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. lost one more thing by the end of season 5, Philip J Coulson. This show has really had two stories, either the love story of FitzSimmons or the second life of Agent Coulson. Now he was gone, ending his life in the Magical Place of Tahiti in with Melinda May at his side, it was a good ending to the story but his absence became a character very much as he had been when he was there.

Initial Status Quo The team have lost Coulson and the Leopold Fitz who came back from the future. A year has passed, in which Gemma Simmons, Daisy (Quake) Johnson along with Agents Piper and Davis are in deep space searching for the Fitz who hadn’t yet arrived in the future. Back on Earth, Alphonso McKenzie has taken the reins as director and is rebuilding S.H.I.E.L.D to face whatever new threats are coming.

Twist: They soon learn that this threat has a familiar face. A band of interstellar travellers are jumping from world to world, causing havoc as they go. Robbery and murder are part of their MO and. Their leader Sarge is an exact doppelganger of Philip Coulson.

Twist 2: Fitz is out of his stasis pod and he and Enoch the Chronicon are trying to get back to the post-Earth future. It is not going well. Also the Chronicons are hunting Enoch and Fitz after their homeworld is destroyed by the threat Sarge and his band of rogues are pursuing. That threat, Izel collides with Fitz and Simmons when they are reunited and after all the plots collide there are more secrets to be revealed.

Overall: This was a shorter season, which cut a lot of the fat off the season. It also made me feel that I had missed episodes. The year long time jump left a lot more questions than the show answered. Splitting the team papered over the cracks of the thin story and put the focus on character, much to the series’ benefit. We got to see Mack struggle with leadership as he cuts himself off from YoYo, who looks elsewhere, only to lose that. We saw FitzSimmons reunited once again, but still their happy ever after just out of reach.  The story of Sarge took many turns and he went from villain to reluctant hero and back again, a world ending threat and with the day saved, everything is thrown up in the air as the team’s status is changed again and we end up back in time and the return of a familiar face.

Stand out Episodes:

Missing Pieces: A rebuilding team, shattered by recent losses come face to face with a doppleganger of their fallen leader as several of their new members fall before this new threat.

The Other Thing: We learn more about Sarge and his team as things in space get more tense.

Inescapable: FitzSimmons under the microscope as their relationship faces it’s biggest challenge, themselves. They battle their own issues and their own dark sides to find one another again.

New Life: Izel and Sarge, surprise guests and a cliff-hanger ending bring this shorter season to a satisfying close.

Next Time: The final season a look into the past and the future.


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Dino Trux: In which we learn a bit about socialism.

Thursday’s Pilot Era Post

Pilot Era

First aired: 14th August 2015

Cast: (Voice) 

Andrew Francis – Ty Rux

Richard Ian Cox- Revvit

Ashleigh Ball – Skye

Mat Hill – Ton Ton

Brian Drummond – Dozer

Paul Dobson  – D-Structs

Synopsis: In a prehistoric world of large dinotrux and smaller reptools, we first meet Ty a red T-Truck who wakes, leaves his cave and digs for ore, the main source of food for the creatures in this world. Then a nearby volcano erupts. The trux evacuate, with Ty helping to save a baby Ankylodump before he is hit by a stray rock, damaging his right set of tire-treads. All the other species leave in their groups, but the solitary Ty is left behind with no one there to help him out. He finds a new area in a crater and seeks to move in, but the locals are less than keen on him being there. A reptool called…

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Penny Dreadful, in which we learn that you really should ask questions at a job interview

Another Pilot Era Post

Pilot Era

First aired: 10th February 2007


Timothy Dalton – Sir Malcolm Murray

Eva Green – Vanessa Ives

Josh Hartnett – Ethan Chandler

Harry Treadaway – Victor Frankenstein

Simon Russell Beale – Ferdinand Lyle

Olivia Llewellyn – Mina Harker

Danny Sapani – Sembene

Synopsis: A woman wakes up in bed and gets up carefully avoiding waking her daughter and walks through the house, with only a lamp for light to go to the toilet. Something pulls her outside. The child wakes and walks through the house and opens a door and screams at what she sees.

In an empty room, a green clad woman frantically prays in latin, desperate for answers or some kind of ending. She appears to go into a seizure as a voice speaks to her. The next day, an American sharpshooter charms a crowd in general and in later a young lady from that crowd is charmed…

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