Most children learn very early in life that they have two voices. One voice is meant for the inside. It is low and soft and measured. It is sweet and non-threatening. When they feel safe and secure they use this voice. When quiet is helpful they use this voice. When disturbance is unwelcome they use this voice. When they do……
It’s been a week and a half at work, have spent most of this week stressed and tired, or not sleeping and stressed. I had 12 minutes of lunch on wednesday, which got me into trouble because I ‘Took an hour and a half off on the busiest day’, well the time off was for therapy, so there’s that. I can see the point, I really can, they didn’t know it was only 12 minutes, they assumed it was 42 minutes most likely and felt I was taking the piss, I was angry at the time, but have made the time up from that day and there are more things to give a shit about.
Therapy itself was good, am letting go of some of the unnecessary stuff in my past, other people’s expectation, my own sense of failure and all that. Truth is, you can’t fail at something that you don’t want, or don’t decide to do. The only real decision with consequences that I made was most likely to marry my wife (the Mighty Rosie) still if you’re going to make a decision, that’s a good one to make. 😀 I never had a plan in life, just what I thought I should do, or what I was expected to do, I think that’s a common issue. We do what our parents want, or what they leave us with the impression they want, in the absence of our own ambitions, we default to what we know. I am not as repressed as I was and am learning to cut myself some slack. I’m making changes in my life, small ones now, but bigger will come, I have a great wife who loves me (weird woman) and a son, who I am so proud of. Both of them make me want to be a better me, both deserve that, the truth that they have tried to show me is, so do I. I haven’t failed, I have a job, a roof over my head, family love and a place in the world, failure sure looks like falling arse backwards into the best things in life doesn’t it?
Have shut down two blogs (or at least two regular features of blogs) and I feel sad about it, but I know that better things are coming on that score. Work will settle down, home will improve and to be honest, I just wanted to mark the point that things are starting to get better. I may not be recovered from my depression, I may still have several deep-rooted issues, but I can look back and think, I’m doing better than I was.
We endure, that’s what we do. It helps when things seem to look better. Life is hard at the moment, but not because of who I am or my own messed up mind, but because there’s shit going on. But I have my feet planted, I have the Mighty Rosie at my side, I can do this.
If you are at a low point, remember this, we are stronger than we think, we are braver than we know and in the dark, amongst our demons are those things that make us who we really are.
“We have done the impossible and that makes us mighty!” a quote from the TV show Firefly.
If you think of the odds of your birth, just of the random incalculable odds of who we are and how we came to be, the dangers in the world, just by having survived to this point to read this, you have conquered amazing odds.
You have done the impossible, you are mighty.
No spoilers here, just an epilogue.
I’m stopping the DC Rebirth reviews at this point, due to lack of interest, mostly mine. Reading comics should be neither work, nor an encroachment onto other areas of my life and these reviews kind of have both going on.
Also Michael Bailey of Views from the Longbox http://viewsfromthelongbox.blogspot.co.uk/
has started reviewing this new era of comics and I kinda feel that this is sort of superfluous. Seriously, listen to this podcast, it’s entertaining and the guy likes what he is talking about and that’s worth something in my book.
Ta Ta For Now Internet people.
A powerful post, one I think we should all read
I was mentioned in a MakeItUltra ™ Blogging Award post by the charming and talented Lennon https://fabulouswithglitches.wordpress.com/author/lennonc27/
Lennon’s blog is a nice mix of topics and ideas and is always one I enjoy getting the notifications of each new post. Her Humpday Shenanigans posts are amongst the only reason I go onto WordPress on a Wednesday, so her mentioning me and my blog mean a lot. So thankyou Lennon, your kindness and good nature always shine through.
The MakeItUltra™ Blogger Award is an award given to bloggers by bloggers for quality content, originality and presentation. The intention of this award is to encourage connectivity and support in the blogging community and to increase exposure for individual bloggers.
Always rules right?
If you have been nominated for the MakeItUltra™ Blogger Award and choose to accept it, write a blog post about the MakeItUltra™ Blogger Award in which you:
Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their blog on your blog. Take a moment to positively promote the person who nominated you.
Display the award on your blog by adding it to your post and/or displaying it using a widget on your page (Save the image to your computer and upload it to your blog post). Don’t forget to use the tag #MyUltraAward when you make your post!
Answer the MakeItUltra™ Blogger Award questions listed below.
Inform the people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the MakeItUltra™ Blogger Award and provide a link for them to your post.
- What is your name? Keith out in the world, but on here, I often use the name Munky
- Where are you from? Liverpool: UK
- How long have you been blogging and why did you start? I have been blogging since February 2014 and I started, because I was told that writing was good therapy. I’d a year previous had a depression-related breakdown and to be honest, still having a hard time, this was an outlet, a place to share, without being too personal.
- What are you most proud of? My son, he’s 5 and amazes me every day.
- What are your blogging goals? To be more open and honest, to blog about different things and to connect more with the larger blogging community.
- How do you spend your free time? I’m a massive comics nerd, I enjoy TV and film as well as getting to the gym couple of times a week, also enjoy anything that makes me laugh.
- Provide 5 random facts about yourself….
1.) I have a comic character tattooed on my right arm and will soon have one on my left.
2.) I have been with my wife (The Mighty Rosie) for ten years and love her more each day.
3.) I have never learned to drive, but will change that very soon.
4.) The Mighty Rosie and I often communicate in a series of film and tv references only she and I get, many from How I Met Your Mother.
5.) Once watched South Park and Drawn Together in german, stoned and still found it funny.
– Nominate 1-8 blogs that you feel deserve the award and provide links. ***You don’t have to participate and I know a lot of my friends do not do the awards and that’s OK but this is a compliment and I want to share your blogs, hope you don’t mind ***
In no particular order
It’s really scary out there, little ones. I know you look around some days and you wonder what’s going on and you wonder where all the good people have gone. I do too. We big people get worried and sad just like you do. We too become frightened when it gets really dark outside, and right now……
Hoping a happy and fun filled weekend was had by you all in internet land.
I recorded a promo for my upcoming podcast last night… f**k it was awful, bad sound quality congested voice and all that, but I did it, will probably need a better mic, have one coming on thursday, so will look at that then.
Started looking a new furniture for the living room with my wife (The Mighty Rosie), have completed my application for a provisional driving license, so will be able to post that tonight. Things are moving forward. Have spent a lot of time recently reflecting on stuff, thinking about what I need to do, my failures, my goals and all that, that’s all good stuff, that’s all positive things, but to be honest, I feel like being just a little bit trivial today.
Stuff that made me smile.
: Spent a lot of time with my son on the weekend, with binge watching in the mornings, whilst both of us were tired, to all three of us doing a Pokemon Go walk around the docks. It’s been so much fun and get a few days with him over the summer holidays, where it’s just him and me, so looking forward to that.
: Played a fair bit of Lego Marvel Superheroes with the Mighty Rosie and that’s been fun, doing stuff together, blowing s**t up and unlocking things, it’s so much fun.
: Am enjoying modern comics again, which is nice and saw some news from San Diego Comic Com that was fun, well I say news, mostly trailers, the announcements kind of leave me cold, but here’s some choice bits of geekery we have to look forward to.
It’s easy to get caught up with the horror of the way the world looks at the moment, fear and despair and all that, forgive me for wanting to look forward to some geek-stuff that I can watch with the Mighty Rosie (I’m sorry, Power Man & Iron Fist are going to be on telly WTF!!!) because I know when I am sitting next to her watching weird or fun stuff, the world doesn’t seem so bad. With just a couple of little bits of fun and joy and hope, we can endure all kinds of stuff we didn’t think we could. We face a world that may have a Trump presidency in the US and a prominent role for Boris Johnson in british politics and an uncertain EU future, but we can endure.
All things are possible, it’s a Monday, but I am feeling positive.
I know I am rambling, but I didn’t promise quality, I promised random musings.
Find some reason to smile, it’s doesn’t have to be deep, I met a dog on sunday, that was nice enough.
Been a rough couple of weeks here.
Have discovered I am allergic to rabbits or at least the combination of rabbits and sawdust, have had rough couple of weeks in work, though I’ll admit I know others with more on their plate. I am struggling, but that’s ok.
One of the reasons I am ok, is that I now have developed a distinction between the s**t in my head and the s**t that life is throwing at me, to be honest, that’s a lot of it right now, but that’s all the outside stuff. Work will eventually ease off, medical worries will be addressed and I know, not feel, know that the s**t that’s on me will change. It’ll be replaced with more soon enough I am sure, but it won’t always be this. I am stronger, more so than I have been a while, I am forcing myself to look more to the positive and to acknowledge my own worth and value in a way, I don’t think I ever have. It’s hard to come to terms with the idea that you have such a low opinion of you and your worth and for so long that you have no real idea how that can be slowed and in time reversed.
A while back I posted the idea of cutting ourselves some slack, that we are more than we think we are, when we are down. I am not sure, but maybe it’s time I started doing that more.
The other thing is a simple one, but one the therapist I am seeing (observe everyone’s lack of surprise) took the idea with her, of setting simple goals and completing them. I have always achieved, but I have always achieved based on what has been expected, or what has been needed, so the setting goals for no one but me is relatively new as an idea. So have been setting some goals for myself recently, have applied for a driving license, got myself a theory test app for my tablet and the more recent idea, is the one I am least comfortable with, doing a podcast.
As I have said on too many occasions, part of the form my comics fandom has taken has been an interest in podcasts and other social media extensions regarding comics and as anyone who has read this blog has noticed, have done quite a bit of comic related blogging, but here’s the thing… it’s very much still in my comfort zone. I am writing, one removed from what I am saying and very much more of a passive thing, since I have written more about more internal stuff, it’s clear I may be too comfy, so I need to do something relating to something out of my comfort zone.
I hate my voice.
It’s a bit nasal, higher pitched than I’d like and my accent is stronger recorded than when I speak, how uncomfortable would I be to record my voice and post it? Lets find out. So I’m doing a podcast, have downloaded audacity, ordered a new sound card and just now bought a digital voice recorder. Will start with doing a version of MyMarvelLife, my comics blog and will see where this goes. It may be a new branch of my online presence, or just a one off thing to prove I can do it, I don’t know. But it’s a positive thing that fear and low self confidence has stopped me from doing. If I can do this, if I can learn my driving theory, what else can I do.
I don’t know what I am going to do next, but this feels like a positive.
Will keep you posted internet people.
Ta Ta for Now