Posted in Mental Health Struggles, Miscellaneous

Anxious over Anxiety

I am in work.

That’s a big thing to say right now. Last week I couldn’t do it. I had to take a few days off and work on the house, because I couldn’t bear going into the office and dealing with the staff, the clients and the ever expanding workload. I did stuff around the house, started therapy again, went to the gym, even spent time with my now retired dad. There was even a weekend away (more on that story later) but as ever, the weekend fades into the week and I couldn’t avoid it anymore. So I went in, my stomach and my mind punishing for that.

After three hours in, I learned something. I was okay. I wasn’t happy, but I am a lot better than I was 11 days ago, when I was last in. I have been busy, I have spoken with my line manager and I am getting on with things.

Am I better? No

Is stuff still there tormenting me? Yes

Am I going to wallow? NO

I have options if work becomes to much again, but one thing I have learned is that most of what is going on is fear. Fear is robbing me of my time, fear is robbing me of my confidence and fear is pulling me away from the people and things that I love. But I will not give in to fear. I am in work, but I am okay. I will go home and will hopefully be okay. My demons are still there, but I know I can face them.

This is not the story of my defeat.

This is the story of my triumph.


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Bitten: In which we learn about sex, lies and werewolf cousins.

Another Pilot Era post

Pilot Era

First aired: 11th January 2014


Laura Vandernoot – Elena Michaels

Greyston Holt- Clayton Danvers

Greg Bryk – Jeremy Danvers

Paul Green – Philip McAdams

Michael Xavier – Logan Jonsen

Steve Lund  – Nick Sorrentino

Paulino Nunes  – Antonio Sorrentino

Joel Keller – Pete Myers

Synopsis: Toronto, a couple are making love, the woman, while on top starts out being very into it, but something is clearly wrong, she stops and leaves, without any real explanation to her perplexed boyfriend. She is clearly in some degree of pain and after making it to the street, strips naked and slowly and painfully turns into a large wolf. In upstate New York and a woman in a bar tries to pick up a stranger, he rebuffs her with no small amount of contempt, but does manage to ask about the local Danvers family. The Wolf runs across Toronto, at the same time in…

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Coupling, in which we learn that the better one is the right one.

Something funny for a a Wednesday

Pilot Era

First aired: 12th May 2000


Jack Davenport – Steve Taylor

Sarah Alexander- Susan Walker

Richard Coyle- Jeff Murdoch

Gina Bellman – Jane Christie

Ben Miles – Patrick Maitland

Kate Isitt – Sally Harper

Raji James – Waiter

Synopsis: Steve Taylor is getting ready to dump his girlfriend. Susan Walker is going to the bar to meet her boyfriend.

Steve has tried to dump his girlfriend on the last 4 times they met, a fact which he explains to his best friend the bizarre Jeff. The reason it goes wrong is that she initiates sex.

Susan and her best friend Sally are heading into the bar, discussing the casual nature of her relationship. The two pass at the doorway and walk to their respective dates. We expect they mean each other, but Susan is meeting Patrick, whilst Steve is having the dumping conversation part 5.

Steve meets Jane, a loving…

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Knight Rider: In which we learn that you get extra cheese with that cheese.

Sort of published this accidentally, but heigh-ho.

Pilot Era

First Aired:25th January 2016

Cast: Main

David Hasslehof                     Michael Knight (Michael Long in shadow)

Edward Mulhare                     Devon Miles

William Daniels                      K.I.T.T. (Voice)

Cast: Guess

Richard Basehart                    Wilton Knight

Larry Anderson                      Michael Long

Richard Anderson                 Doctor Ralph Welsey

Phyllis Davis                          Tanya

Pamela Susan Shoop           Maggie

Barrett Oliver                       Buddy

Plot: A man is gambling and winning big and around him a plan is being hatched. His…

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Reboots and Remakes: Hawaii 5-0 in which we learn that not liking the beach is apparently horrifying to islanders.

Reboots and Remakes Special

Pilot Era

First aired:20th September 2009

Cast (Main):

Alex O’Loughlin – Steve McGarrett

Scott Caan – Danny (Dano) Williams

Daniel Dae – Kim Chin Ho Kelly

Grace Park – Kono Kalakaua

Taylor Wily – Kamekona

Cast (Guest):

Jean Smart – Governor Pat Jameson

Will Yun Lee – Sang Min

Norman Reedus – Anton Hesse

William Sadler – Jack McGarrett

James Marsters – Victor Hesse

Reboot Specifics:

What and When was the Originial? Hawaii 5-0 (1968-1988)

What did they keep? The main cast names, setting and the iconic theme tune to Hawaii 5-0 (You have it in your head now, you’re welcome) and the overall police pocedural theme.

What did they change? Rather than completely retool it, they simply modernised it and put the emphasis on the buddy-cop relationship with McGarrett and Dano.

Are here nods to the past? To be honest, am not familiar enough with the original show to…

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How I Met your Mother, in which we learn that it has to be a Smurf Penis.

And it’s Thursday

Pilot Era

First Aired:25th January 2016


Josh Radnor                                 Ted Mosby

Colbie Smulders                           Robin Scherbatsky

Jason Segel                               Marshall Erickson

Alyson Hannigan                      Lily Aldren

Neil Patrick Harris                    Barney Stinson

Lyndsey Fonseca                       Ted’s daughter

David Henrie                          Ted’s son

Joe Nieves                              Carl  the Bartender

Marshall Manesh                 …

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Sherlock: In which we learn not to let Sherlock use your phone.

It must be Thursday

Pilot Era

First Aired: 25th July 2010


Martin Freeman                              Doctor John Watson

Benedict Cumberbatch                  Sherlock Holmes

Rupert Graves                               Detective Inspector LeStrade

Vinette Robinson                         Detective Sergeant Sally Donovan

Una Stubbs                                  Mrs. Hudson

Louie Brealey                              Molly Hooper

Phil Davies                                  Jeff the Cabbie 

Plot: Doctor John Watson is having nightmares. After discharge from the army, he’s…

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Posted in Mental Health Struggles, Musing on a Miserable Monday


It’s been a long time since I have been here, but here I am again.

After a couple of months of teetering, I collapsed under the weight of all the shit in my head. My stress, my anxiety, a touch of middle-age crisis and all together with our old friend thanatophobia. I am having obsessive thoughts, dwelling in fear and self pity again and I feel broken again.

I don’t mind admitting to you internet people, this is my own particular hell. But there is hope. I have been in touch with a therapist recommended by my old therapist Paula (a wonderful woman, but am not going to Warrington to see her, so someone more local was needed) I have started eating healthier again (16lbs so far) and am doing everything I can to beat these demons that infest my mind.

It’s not going to be easy, it’s not going to quick, but I have beaten this before and will do it again, or at least do a more thorough job of it. As always I am supported by the MIGHTY Rosie and with her on my side, I feel I can do anything.

If you are going through a hard time yourself, I feel for you, but there is a place beyond this and with communication, help and the right mindset, these demons can be battled.

There is a place beyond this, every positive choice I make, is one step towards it.

That above phrase is stuck on my wall at work, I need it there.

There’ll be more to be said, but that’s not for today, today is about admitting that I am in a crisis and I need help. Sometimes we all do.

Take care of yourselves internet people, take care of each other too.


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Killjoys: In which we learn that in the far future and the depths of space, brothers are still brothers.

Must be Thursday

Pilot Era

First Aired:25th January 2016


Hannah John-Kamen                     Dutch

Aaron Ashmore                            Johnny Jaqobis

Luke MacFarlane                          D’Avin Jaqobis

Rob Stewart                                Klyhen

Morgan Kelly                            Alvin Akari

Sean Baek                                Fancy Lee

Nora McLellan                        Bellus Haardy

Thom Allison                          Pree

Patrick Garrow                        

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