Posted in Uncategorized

Newsroom: In which we learn that he’d get my vote.

It’s Thursday
It’s a Pilot Era Post

Pilot Era

First aired: 24th June 2012

Cast:

Jeff Daniels – Will McEvoy

Emily Mortimer – MacKenzie McHale

John Gallagher Jnr – Jim Harper

Alison Pill – Maggie Jordan

Thomas Sadowski – Don Keefer

Dev Patel – Neal Sampat

Sam Waterson – Charlie Skinner

Synopsis: Northwestern University and at a panel on broadcast journalism Will McEvoy is having a crisis. To his left a left-leaning reporter, to his right a right-leaning reporter and a moderator asking questions that the less controversial Will is not interested in answering. After dodging a question on his personal political leanings, Will faces a question from the audience, a young woman asks “Why is America the greatest country in the world?”

Will as badgered into giving an answer by the moderator and as he tries to get out of it, he thinks he sees someone in the audience he knows, he blinks and she’s gone, then he…

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Posted in Uncategorized

Sex and the City: In which we learn that 20 years on, I still don’t see the appeal of Sarah Jessica Parker.

Didn’t think I’d get it done, but here’s Thursday’s Pilot Era Post

Pilot Era

First aired: 6th June 1998

Cast:

Sarah Jessica Parker – Carrie Bradshaw

Kim Cattrall – Samantha Jones

Kristin Davies – Charlotte York

Cynthia Nixon – Miranda Hobbs

Willie Garson – Stanford Blatch

Ben Weber – Skipper Johnston

Sarah Winter – Elizabeth

Scott Bryce – Tim

Bill Sage – Kurt Harrington

Jeffrey Nordling – Capote Duncan

Chris Noth – Mr Big

Synopsis: RCarrie Bradshaw is narrating the story of British journalist Elizabeth and American banker Tim as they begin a love affair. It’s all fairy tale, but one day Tim stops returning her calls. This casual end to what felt like a real relationship to Elizabeth leaves her cold and embittered as she tells the story to Carrie, who is adapting it for her column called Sex in the City. We now get a bunch of talking heads cut scenes with men and women pontificating about love and relationships. This highlights…

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Posted in Mental Health Struggles, Thinking Thoughts on a Thursday

Thinking Thoughts on a Thursday 15: Forward is the only direction

I am not in work today.

There’s no childcare issues, no illness and not even time with the MIGHTY Rosie.

No I am off work because I had some teeth taken out yesterday. At three o’clock I was in a chair and doped up. It’s been the culmination of quite a weird week.

It started on Friday with an interview at the Asperger’s dept of Liverpool Hospital. I was there with my mother, since she has known me as both boy and man. I was there because I am not always the man I should be and about a year or so ago, I was not doing my best. It was suggested that I look into where I might be on the autism spectrum. I don’t know that I agreed, but in the cold light of day, I can see what my wife meant and even at my worst I respected her insight into my state of mind, since I couldn’t always trust that I saw things clearly. I forgot about it after that, until December when the referral came through. I moved it to when it was more convenient and went on Friday.

It was a long and drawn out interview, I and my mum had to answer lots of questions, on a wide variety of topics. It left the interviewer with the clear indication that I was not at the diagnosable part of the autism spectrum. So clearly I am just an arse.

One thing did come up though, there was a time when my mental state changed, which caused my self esteem  and confidence to suffer. At 12 years old I went to a new school and that was an isolating experience, since all of my friends went to different schools. I made a couple of new friends, but by 15/16 they had turned their backs on me. I was told that I likely had something of  a depressive episode that caused what I was informed something of a lost decade. The transitional period between 15-25 didn’t pan out for me quite so well and I went from a well balanced kid to a withdrawn and depressed one. I didn’t know, no one did and to be honest, withdrawn and moody doesn’t seem alien to anyone who has a teenager in their family does it? I was coming out of it in the years before I met the MIGHTY Rosie and more mental health stuff has happened since, but that was a bit of a bombshell to hit both me and the woman that raised me with.

It answered questions and raised others and  I may spend more time since dealing with this and unpacking it all, but it reinforced that I truly did grow up in a house full of love and support and that’s not changed, my mum and dad are there for me even now I live across town with the family I have made since. It also shows me that I still live in house full of love as all I have had is support from the MIGHTY Rosie and I am in a better place than I have ever been before. There’s nothing to change because of this and all it’s done is make my past clearer, it’s excused nothing or given me anything to blame. I don’t want that. The reasons that I had this referral are being addressed and  I am more engaged with my life than before and the MIGHTY Rosie and I are more of a team than ever, but it was touch and go for a while and have had to put the work in. Love is really easy to be in, but relationships aren’t, you really do need to do the work and let those you love know that you love them. Not in word, but in deed.

That should be enough for some, but I had to add some shit on there. After years of putting it off and years more of neglect, I have finally sorted out appointments to sort out my fucked up teeth. Yesterday, several of them had to be removed. I have only myself to blame there and it’s my fear and shame that have prevented me from getting this done earlier. As time went on, this fear grew bigger and it eclipsed the health benefits of getting this sorted, as well as being able to smile again, freely and wide.

But as I have faced everything else, I faced this too and finally made the appointments. Most people won’t see this as a thing and will be amazed that I ever let myself get in such a way that teeth would need removing, but I can only be who I am and can only have done what I did. This was my owning up to my failures and facing my fears. I did it for the MIGHTY Rosie, who needs to see a smile she once knew. I did it for my son, so he can see what facing your fears looks like, what owning up to your problems looks like and what can happen if you don’t look after your teeth. But really, above it all, I did it for me.

I don’t deserve to live the way I have made myself live and I needed to get this done, now I have pain and swelling in my mouth, but this feels so good to have done. I have another appointment in two weeks and then I have to go through the process of false teeth to restore my smile. I have a lot more work to do both physically and mentally, but doing this makes all of it seem doable.

I could not have done any of this without the MIGHTY Rosie, my parents or SuperSam.

There’s more to be done, more to be said and I want to thank you internet people for being here when I say it.

Posted in Uncategorized

So Sayeth the Odinson: Why Mike Grell’s Warlord Would Make a Fantastic TV Series

An excellent post from a blogger who always has something interesting to say.
L

MyComicShop

Greetings from the Odinson,

Recently, I mentioned in passing to a colleague that Mike Grell’s Warlord would make a great TV series, especially with the modern era of high quality television and streaming services. My co-worker responded that he did not know the material well enough to have an opinion.

In my enthusiasm, I tried to describe it as Burroughs’ on steroids, a mash up of sword and sorcery, science fiction, swashbuckling adventure and, just for good measure, dinosaurs! It would be a visual goldmine. Plus, Travis Morgan, the protagonist, is a normal man, kind of like Flash Gordon on Mongo.

Unfortunately, he was not impressed. Maybe I did not do a good job of explaining the material, so I’m going to try to rectify that here.

Why Mike Grell’s Warlord Would Make a Fantastic TV Series

ELEMENTS

Writers can be inspired by and pull from world history and the…

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Posted in Uncategorized

Gavin & Stacey: In which we learn it’s not a Welsh thing

Yesterday’s post from Pilot Era

Pilot Era

First aired: 13th May 2007

Cast:

Matthew Horne –  Gavin Shipman

Joanna Page – Stacey West

Ruth Jones – Nessa Jenkins

James Corden – Neil ‘Smithy’ Smith

Melanie Walters – Gwen West

Rob Brydon – Byrn West

Alison Steadman – Pam Shipman

Larry Lamb – Mick Shipman

Margaret John – Doris

Steffan Rhodri – Dave Coaches

Synopsis: Barry Islands – working at Bedford Electronics is Stacey West, who is chatting to Gavin Shipman from the Essex office he works in. They are planning to meet after 6 months of chatting over the phone. They are both really excited over the prospect and head to their respective homes after the working week is done. Stacey arrives home, passing neighbour Doris who informs her that she shouldn’t put out on the first date.

In Essex, Gaving is having tea with his laid back dad Mick and his overley dramatic mum Pam…

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Chuck: In which we learn dancing can be dangerous.

It’s Thursday and another Pilot Era post

Pilot Era

First aired: 7th April 2008

Cast:

Zachary Levi – Chuck Bartowski

Yvonne Strahovski – Sarah Walker

Adam Baldwin – Maj. John Casey

Sarah Lancaster – Ellie Bartowski

Joshua Gomez – Morgan Grimes

C.S. Lee – Harry Tang

Matt Bomer – Bryce Larkin

Ryan McPartlin – Devon ‘Captain Awesome’ Woodcombe

Vik Sahay – Lester Patel

Scott Krinski – Jeff Barnes

Julia Ling – Anna Wu

Dale Dye – General Stansfield

Tony Todd – CIA Director Graham

Synopsis: Burbank California and Charles ‘Chuck’ Bartowski is desperate to escape the situation he is in, his own birthday party. The party thrown by Chuck’s older sister Ellie who Chuck lives with as well as Ellie’s boyfriend Devon or as Chuck calls him Captain Awesome. Cut to spy Bryce Larkin breaking in to some sortof top secret facility and accessing a computer called the Intersect. The information from this computer is downloaded onto a device…

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Posted in Uncategorized

Forever: In which we learn to ask, where do his clothes go?

Thursday Lunchtime and it’s a Pilot Era Post

Pilot Era

First aired: 2nd October 2014

Cast:

Ioan Gruffudd – Dr. Henry Morgan

Alana De La Garza – Det. Jo Martinez

Joel David Moore – Dr. Lucas Wahl

Judd Hirsch – Abe

Lee Tergerson – Hans Koelher

Donnie Keshwaraz – Det. Mike Hanson

MacKenzie Mauzy – Abigail

Synopsis: New York City – A voice over introduces Henry Morgan. He is a long story, but he has plenty of time. He gets into a subway and sits next to a young blonde woman, he is able to determine many things about her by sight alone, including her country of origin, he job and her plans for the evening. This prompts her interest and they share a lovely moment, right up until the subway train crashes and kills everyone on board, including Henry.

Over 200 years earlier, Dr. Henry Morgan prevents a slave from being killed, paying for this good dead with…

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Positive Steps Forward

Back in October I wrote about an appointment I had made regarding my teeth.

I went to a surgical consultation regarding them, this is something I have avoided doing for literally years, increasing my self-consciousness over it as well as my shame and anxiety over it. I had a X-Ray, with some pretty sci-fi looking X-Ray machines and then got the bad news that I had been dreading. Some of them had to put taken out. Some though, not all. One day soon, this neglectful chapter of my life will be behind me and I may end up being able to smile openly.

I’ve been a rollercoaster of emotions over this, but ultimately I am feeling positive about the whole thing, I am not looking forward to surgery, but I am looking forward to dealing with this problem and taking care of it once and for all. Then I’ll do the regular check ups, free from most of my fear, like most people do. This has doubled down on the importance of self care for me. I have shaved this morning and there’s even moisturiser on my face, but my body isn’t a temple, a lack of faith shouldn’t leave it in disrepair. It’s a positive reminder that fear can be challenged and defeated.

It’s a personal victory in a 2020 that has seen few of them, coming from decisions made in 2019, a year with even less victories.

I couldn’t do this without the support of the MIGHTY Rosie, or my son SuperSam who have lent me the strength to do these things.

This is not the story of my fall, it is the tale of my triumph.

Love to you all internet people.

ttfn

Posted in Mental Health Struggles, Miscellaneous

For the Me in Me, 2019 was a challenge.

Well that was a year.

It was a decade too, but I am not going to be all “look at the decade as a whole” about it.

It’s been hard, there’s no denying that, but there’s been ups as well, since I need some kind of structure I am going to break it down into categories.

Work

Work has been a hell of a lot of ups and downs. After a very stressful year last year, we lobbied for a new member of staff to work with Gisele (the Dept Manager), Trouble (credit control) and me, finally we got Disney Princess, the sister of one of the directors. It was great to have someone working with me doing the same job. The problem is that the workload has increased, so we are still as stressed as ever, but now we are 4 and not 3. But I have noticed that the atmosphere is better up here. We have more fun, have a laugh together and the year came to an end with more ease than the last two. Work has been difficult this year, but it ended well, a fact for which I am grateful.

Well apart from the fact that I was locked in the office on the day we broke up for Christmas and everyone had gone t’pub. Not my favourite moment.

Family

This has been a game of two halves in that respect. My mum and dad and I have got on better than we have in a few years. The therapy I had in 2018 cleared a lot of my negative feelings about them and I was able to see them as they are, just two people trying their best with those they love. At 9, I had a grandmother who had 19 other grandkids and no grandfather as he had passed away. SuperSam has a pair of devoted grandparents whom he loves to spend time with and who are more than happy to spend this time with him.

Speaking of SuperSam, he finished year 3 and it was a rough one. We’ve had bullying and also the aftermath of losing our dog last year. But he pulling himself up and got through it with help and his own determination. Our new dog Loopy Lottie has helped with that and seeing him come back to the happy boy we knew has been so wonderful as it was having a great Christmas with him.

The MIGHTY Rosie and I have had ups and downs this year. I’m not always the man I should be, nor the one she deserves and there’s been many a time where that fact had to be addressed. But we had ridden through this particular storm and I need to work hard to make sure that the next one, isn’t one of my own making. I love this woman, always have and can see no reason how I would ever stop in my lifetime. Being away from her in November just reminded me how much I missed them and I came home early just to see them.

Mental Health

I think this has been one of the hardest years since my breakdown in 2013.

Back in May, I had a ‘wobble’ and it was terrifying being back in that place. It followed stress regarding work and family and it took me a while to get back to where I was.

Once more I have to thank the MIGHTY Rosie for everything she did and for taking off the kid gloves when I needed to be told some harsh truths.

I’m still struggling, maybe I always will, but I am still here.

Triumphs

I am still here.

That may not be much of a triumph, but it seemed a shaky proposition a couple of times this year. This year highlighted that most of the problem lies with me. I enjoy my job more than half the time. I love my wife, the always amazing MIGHTY Rosie and my son SuperSam who never fails to make me proud. I even love the dog 🐶 and enjoy my nightly walks with LoopyLottie. I like my life, it’s just me I can’t stand. So maybe this year is where I change that.

But apart from that, I have had many ups this year. I have made progress regarding my teeth, a sore subject that has been an increasing problem and is now being dealt with. There was also fun to be had, we went to Scotland for the MIGHTY Rosie’s birthday and had an amazing time. I wobbled, regarding my mental health, but pulled myself back without medication and continue to battle these demons (with varying degrees of success) and am moving forward. I went to a trampoline place with SuperSam and enjoyed it, despite how badly it hurt my knee. I also went indoor skydiving, taking my dad and son and all three had a great time. It’s definitely something I want to do again. I also did the comic convention thing that I have wanted to, but lacked confidence to do and met a couple of industry people that were lovely and a couple of podcasters I am a fan on. I will go again, but I will be more discerning in future in terms of guests and my spends. The fact remains though, that I did it. I also managed to post weekly to my Pilot Era blog, which has been a nice little bonus here.

This year has been difficult, there have been many challenges and it looked as though this year did it’s best to break me.

But it didn’t.

I was glad to see the back of 2019, but I am not expected 2020 to be easier. It doesn’t get easier. You simply get stronger.

This is not the story of my fall, it is the story of my rise.

Thank you all of you, who have been part of my journey, a journey which is moving towards a hopeful tomorrow.

It’s now 2020, welcome to the future.