Posted in Feelings on a Friday, Mental Health Struggles

Feelings on a Friday 33: The illusion of a functioning person

Hi there internet people.

It’s been a couple of rough weeks, it’s been a fortnight of despondency, struggle and fatigue for a dozen reasons wrapped up in things going badly. But as I write this (mainly because I am actually writing this) I realise that this fortnight is over and things are looking better. They’re not better, but they look it.

Some stuff came up in therapy this week, it was brought up by the MIGHTY Rosie and was in my mind as I went to therapy and it was the main thing on my mind, so it became the main topic of conversation. There’s details in this, which I am at present not willing to discuss, but in the end it seems like I haven’t really been doing feelings very well.

It’s a weird thing to say. I understand happy, sad, angry (no fucking question there) frustration (the millstone around my neck in more than one way) and so on, but the question became, do I experience them fully? Do I use them correctly? Can I express them well enough to be understood? I used to believe the answer was yes to all three. But I now realise that’s not really the case.

That realisation is both wonderful and horrifying in equal measure. I don’t like the intimation that I can’t fully embrace the human experience in a way I always assumed that I could. But then again, have I not always felt slightly out of place? A misfit? The outsider? Doesn’t that make a lot of sense there?

This may sound sad, like a man realising he is broken. But it’s not. For years I was approximating the stuff I should be living and repressing the rest, but now I realise what I have been doing, it just becomes another thing to change. In the last few years, I have learned despair, misery, fear, but also confidence, empathy and pride. This isn’t the story of my failure, though I know that it’s being written like that. It’s the story of my realisation that I have more to learn, new battles to fight and a new goal to aim for. This is not the story of my failure, far from it.

There’s a quote attributed to Winston Churchill about the second world war that this brings to mind.

“This is not the end, not even the beginning of the end, but it is perhaps, the end of the beginning.”

Time to be a functioning person, rather than the illusion of one.

This is the story of my victory.

Posted in Comics n Stuff, Shared Stuff

The Power of Hope in Secret Empire

My Comic Relief

This is a piece I felt I had to write.  I’ve been open about my disdain for Marvel’s seemingly endless stream of major event crossovers.  I love their comics, their characters, and their creative talent…but I avoid these cash-grab events like a plague, often dropping heavy tie-in titles from my pull list.  Yet a few weeks back I wrote of my struggle with “Secret Empire.”  While I don’t like these events, I have great respect for/trust in Nick Spencer as an author so I wanted to give this one a shot.  Today, four issues in (counting the Free Comic Book Day offering), I have to say the series is worth every penny!  While Secret Empire is obviously Marvel’s big summer event it’s also a story with a point, purpose, and message and that makes all the difference in the world.

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Posted in Comics n Stuff

Comics and other Stuff 2: FCBD Baby!

Hello internet people. It’s been something of a weekend, there’s been upset, stress, pain and lack of sleep and lots of…..

you know what? Fuck that. Truth is that much of the negatives are not new things and my son is fine and the MIGHTY Rosie is never to be counted out. So lets look at the positives.

1: The weather outside was lovely for most of the last 5 days. That’s right, in England, 5 days of sunshine. I was surprised too.

2: Free Comic Book Day was Saturday and I got some previews and one shots that were at least interesting.

During this, I got to spend time with a mate and had a pretty chilled afternoon.

3: Cosplay was a thing, after queuing for a LONG time to get in, I got to see a lady dressed as the Winter Soldier, a Naruto cosplayer, someone dressed as the movie scarlet witch and someone dressed as this version of Ms Marvel.

Sash and all. Sadly it was an overweight guy in his 20’s with a beard. It’s going to take a while to shift that mental image. But it was all sorts of fun and that made me smile.

4:  Watched Demolition Man and Speed as a double feature at home last night, that was fun. Those films stand up better than they deserve to.

5: I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy vol 2. (Quick capsule review GO SEE IT) as much as I enjoy the drama of Batman vs Superman, the pathos of Logan and the high stakes conflict of Captain America: Civil War, the main reason I enjoy comic related movies is three little letters F   U  N. That’s what vol 2 has in spades. From the opening music number, to the comedy and action taking turns and so many easter eggs and surprise characters it was an actual joy. This was what you want to see when you see a film with that title. It is a lot of high action and space opera with a comical edge.

I could spend a lot of time looking at the negatives, but that isn’t what helps me. I did a series of posts called for the geek in me, 2016 was awesome. To be honest, 2017 is looking the same way.

Find your 5 positives, find your joy.

See you guys later.