Posted in Talking on a Terrible Tuesday

Talking on a Terrible Tuesday 6 – Slowly moving forward

Won’t lie internet people, am feeling down today.

Woke up not great, got ready, did some dad stuff and then was about to go to work. Then I realised that I didn’t want to, really didn’t want to.

Then I remembered something I used to think when I felt like this, I don’t have to want to go to work, I just have to go. It’s a shitty time at work early to mid April. Tax year ends and the new one starts and my job gets a whole lot more complicated. Add to that some less than fantastic clients and tonnes of technical difficulties and that’s not really helping. The fact is, I know that I don’t need to be down, but I am. That’s how low moods work isn’t it? No reason, but it’s there nonetheless. In the past I would’ve carried this with me for a few days, or let it beat me up by making it somehow my own fault. (I’m good at that.) But that’s not the case, this time what I am going to do is acknowledge this feeling, then move beyond it.

So it’s time to once again find my 5:

5 Reasons to be cheerful

1: Got a my marvel life post done, am at 1985 now. Not a big thing, but after this morning an attempt at completing something was needed.

2: On Sunday, was out with my mate Josh and we were in a shop where some kid with an america accent was throwing the mother and father of all tantrums, (the kid was like 11 or something) over a X-Box360 game. This went on whilst I was in a queue and a long time after. I even said “tonight, I’m going to give me son a big hug” because as he is sometimes less than his better self, he hasn’t pulled that shit with me in public.

3: My wife (The MIGHTY Rosie) had a good weight loss last week and we are both on track for more, we even started a 5 day plank challenge. The plank is when you start a push up, then stop and hold still for a long as you can, effectively holding up your own body weight.

4: After a half hour client meeting, I was seeing the client out and she asked if I had lost weight and told me that I looked fantastic. Yeah, those words. How do you even respond to that? I said thankyou, but kinda made my lunchtime to be honest.

5: I have only 4 days in work this week, then a four day weekend, then two more days and then another 4 day weekend. As stressful as work is going to be this week, have some downtime coming.

This 5 will pick my afternoon up. Just writing this down has done something.

Just remember, you have survived all of your bad days so far, if this is one of them, you’ll survive this too. We are stronger than we feel we are and we’re never as alone as we fear.

Stay strong internet people

Posted in Talking on a Terrible Tuesday

Talking on a Terrible Tuesday 5: Hope

Right wing loonies seem to be in power everywhere, the world is being pulled in different directions by the greedy, the self centred and the stupid. The news brings bad news every single day and more and more we think that we are looking at the worst this world has to offer being considered the norm.

If that is all you can see. That’s sad, because it’s very easy to fall into that deep pit of misery. Please don’t. Because I can see something that maybe overlooked by many people. The people themselves. When the recent US immigration muslim ban went into effect, the first thing I saw was outrage. Then people talking, people protesting and even lawyers, offering pro-bono aid for people affected.

When a visit from current US president, was announced, immediately the people signed a petition to have it called off, 1.27 million at last count. Our current Prime Irritant ignored those people. The last time a sitting PM underestimated a six figure group of people, we left the EU and he quit his job. In this world of instant reaction, trending and 24 hour news cycles, we expect that resistance gets rid of the bad guys in very quick order. It don’t work like that, it never did. Hitler was in power for 12 years if you recall. Here’s were we need to remember two things, patience and determination. If anyone tries to normalise the current xenophobic and short sighted rhetoric of hate, speak up for what you know to be right. We have to remember to treat each other well and do what we feel is the right thing to do. We are not the people speaking for us, we are not conservatives or liberals, right wing or left wing, tories or labour, blue or red, christian or muslim, european or middle eastern, we are just people. All of us and whether there is a deity looking out for all of us or whether there isn’t, we do need to realise that in our actions and in our words, it’s just us here. Every single act of kindness, unity or tolerance is a victory. Every victory is a small way our world gets better. Hate makes noises, hate gets attention and hate can kill. But we are more than hate, we are more than rhetoric, we are more than our labels. We are creatures of love just as much. Every religion is based on love of some description, even the non-theistic among us recognise the power of that love. Think of the last three emotions you expressed to people near you, how much of that was hate? How much of it was love?

Hate defines the limited, the frightened and the greedy. Love defines us all. I still see love in this world, compassion for others, kindness, friendship and that leaves me with hope.

We are not monsters, we are beings capable of great compassion, great understanding and great empathy. And there’s also this one thought, those who speak to our fear and our hate are often of an older guard, my hope isn’t that Trump and May will somehow become compassionate and competent leaders who will listen to the will of the people. That’s not hope, that’s denial, my hope is that we learn this lesson, we heed these warnings and we start picking better leaders, raising better children and ask them to fix this world that we have fucked up, but tell them we will help.

I don’t know what I wanted to say, but I wanted to be a positive voice, we don’t make much noise, so there needs to be more of us.

Posted in Talking on a Terrible Tuesday

Talking on a Terrible Tuesday 4: In case you haven’t guessed, I’m back

Hi there internet people, have made it back to work and after 4 hours, there’s been no blood spilled. So there’s that.

Seriously though, am trying to start this year as I intend to go on. Battling my issues with therapy and exercise has done well, but to be honest, I also need to tackle my weight and eating habits, so me and my wife (The Mighty Rosie) have joined a slimming world group. We joined with a  large number, but there were more than a few couples, which made me feel better. Didn’t want to be one man in a room with 40 women. It’s not a sexism thing, I just feel out of place enough, y’know? So today is the start of that journey. I have learned some things, 1: I don’t like raspberries as much as I thought I did. 2: I don’t need to snack quite so much as I thought. 3: I should have already been doing this, but at least I am doing so now.

I am already changing, have made better choices when eating out, passing on huge steaks and ribs, opting instead for grilled chicken and fish and my nibbles for my desk is bananas. I have also been social (I know, it’s ok, I was surprised too) a guy from college reached out and we’ve been e-mailing and shit, but last Wednesday we met up and watched Rogue One (the new Star Wars movie, which my wife was so glad to have avoided seeing) and I really enjoyed it. On the Friday, we went on a trip to Chester to visit an old school comic shop and I have had a lot of fun doing it. While the Mighty Rosie is geek-friendly almost geek-adjacent and while I do have online people who are geeky, it’s been a long time since I have had a friend out in the world who is as geeky as me, something we have in common. It’s nice to have that again, a nice reminder that a lot of the time I’ve been alone has been circumstance and social anxiety, rather than something being wrong with me.

New Year’s Eve was spent at Knowsley Safari park before a quiet night in. Not  a big fan of New Year, but we spent it warm, with loved ones and laughing and told 2016 to kiss our arse. Yes I have been ill over Christmas, yes it’s made me miserable, but I have loved the time I have had with my family away from work. So while I need to be work me for a bit, I am going to attack this year and make it my bitch, more fun, more relaxation and more joy.

I’m glad to be back on WordPress and I have missed you all.

More is coming,

TTFN

 

Posted in Talking on a Terrible Tuesday

Talking on a Terrible Tuesday 3: 2016 can just F**k Off!

(Written 27 December 2016)

Less than 20 minutes ago, I heard that the writer of Watership Down, Richard Adams had died, another celebrity loss. Ten minutes ago, I learned that Carrie Fisher had also died, this time of a heart attack. I don’t always react to celebrity deaths, these are not after all people I have met, but they are people who had an effect upon my life. George Michael made music from my childhood to his untimely passing, it was almost always great music and it turns out he was more charitable than we knew. My wife (the feeling less Mighty Rosie) was quite hurt, this is a year where we have lost Lemmy from Motorhead, Prince and David Bowie too, yet Bono is still here.  (I should apologise to U2 fans here, I should, but not going to) and now this.

Carrie Fisher was one of the stars of the first three Star Wars films and as bad as the dialogue was in those movies were. she have a spirited and layered performance as a princess of a destroyed world and senator of an abolished senate. She took was she had and ran with it. If that was all she had done, she’d still be a star, but it wasn’t. She was also a screenwriter and author and worked on a number of great films including When Harry met Sally, The ‘Burbs, The Blues Brothers and a small but entertaining turn in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. She was also hard at work for Make a Wish Foundation and a vocal opponent of the stigma relating to mental illness and above all an honest, free speaking voice in a world that so often wants comforting lies. She was funny, sharp and acerbic, but with a loving heart and whenever she was on TV (Such as her small role in Catastrophe or even as herself) she brightened up whenever she was on. There are several people who will miss their friend and I cannot imagine their loss, but millions will miss the legend that was Carrie Fisher.

The rest of 2016 hasn’t been much better in other ways either. The rise of extremist views, the unfortunate Brexit vote and shambolic fuckery that followed it. We lost a shitty Prime Minister in the UK and gained and less likeable one. The economy has tanked again and the future of our dealings with Europe look pretty grim. When looking over the pond, the American Electorate VOTED FOR DONALD <ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?< TRUMP! Now in a previous post, I may have pointed out that I understand how that happened, but as I see his picks for the cabinet and his epic tantrums on twitter, his upcoming inauguration becomes a scarier and scarier thing. That is less a problem than the voter apathy, renewed xenophobia of the US as it relates to these facts. This is going to a rough few years and if I were of a praying persuasion, I’d be praying for everyone over there who isn’t an affluent white male, because they will take the hit as a result of choosing this affluent white male.

On a personal level, it’s been a bad year in work and a very up and down year in may ongoing battle with depression. The fight is on, but that means that I am feeling more of the punches. This year has been about loss, fear and division, it has broken my heart and torn at my resolve, but you know what…..

FUCK IT!

2016 will cling on till it’s dying moments, but it will end and we will get that surge of new year hope.

2017 will be better. Will the news be more cheerful? No

Will famous people not die? No

Will politics become more honest? No

But that really isn’t what I mean. 2016 has backed a lot of people into the corner. We feel like we can’t go on, but we can. When the bell goes at Jan 1st, come out swinging. 2016 has had a lot of bad, but it’s not been all bad all the time and we need to fight to make more good. I’m not going to completely remove my depression or anxiety, but I will battle it. Instead of it being feel sorry for myself time, it’ll be clobbering time.

download79a18d5ed973c1a4d03950f978f81ad8

I had a great holiday in May and I will get away again in 2017, I will fight to make more time or me, for my son and will do all I can to make my wife feel like the Mighty Rosie that she is once more. I will learn something new, will write more, get along with people more and simply be more.

2016 did it’s best to break us.

It didn’t!

2017 will try it too.

It won’t!

We are more powerful that the things that beset us and the first step is realising that, the second is proving it.

We can all become better versions of ourselves, so why don’t we?

 

Posted in Talking on a Terrible Tuesday

Talking on a Terrible Tuesday 2: Sisyphus and the huge f***ing rock of positivity

Hey there internet people

I am being positive today, taking everything in my stride and doing all I can to remain the smile on my face. It was a suggestion by my wife (The MIGHTY Rosie) as she is currently being the positive light her under-morale staff are flocking around. I’ll be honest, being positive is difficult.

My wheelhouse is more of the pessimistic optimist. I expect things to go badly and when it doesn’t, am pleased as punch. Sadly that doesn’t look too cheerful from the outside. I envy the perky people in the world, with the same passion I once hated them.

Work is a nightmare at the moment and as a result, am not going to think about it right now. Instead am going to look at the things that made me smile this weekend.

On Saturday, my little boy (the Irrepressible 6 year old, if you know me, you know his name) stayed at his grandparents. My mother and father have their flaws, but to be honest, their devotion to my son, does make up for a lot of them. While he was harassing them to point of needing a drink, playing Frustration 60 times and watching the most inane of TV, me and the wife got pampered at the Portland Spa in Southport.

If you ever get the chance, go. It’s a fantastic place with great staff, we got a neck, shoulders and back massage, had a three course meal which was f***ing gorgeous and then a facial and scalp massage. I’ll be honest, I’m not a fan of the scalp massage, but the Mighty Rosie loved it. We left feeling chilled, pampered relaxed and happier than we’ve been in a while. We went home, and relaxed in front of the TV. Which leads me to …….Luke Cage, the Netflix series. Spoilers>

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

download

I like TV shows you can binge watch, I have enjoyed the more recent Marvel TV shows and I especially love the lesser appreciated comic characters. So to be honest, there was no way that Luke Cage wasn’t ideal for me. It was exactly what I had hoped. There was pretty much every nod to the comics, Seagate Prison, Rackham, Noel Burnstein, Claire Temple (A welcome return appearance by Rosario Dawson) and Misty Knight. We even got old school Cage villains Cottonmouth, Shades, Black Mariah and Diamondback. This was in addition to a more nuanced and modern take on this street level hero. Mike Colter just owns the screen as Cage, his calm presence and polite manner just comes across perfectly. He’s not a cape n’cowl type, but he is a hero. The pacing is at times languid, this is not a show that gives a damn about what pacing you expect, it is in no rush. But it works. The language is harsh in places and although in the same world as the Avengers, this isn’t a disney-friendly show. No one in the cast is safe and alliances change and shift as this 13 part series goes along. The origin flashback is so expertly done, changing nothing of the origin, but adding a couple of touches to flesh this story out from it’s blaxploitation history. There’s even a point where he is dressed in his old hero for hire yellow shirt and tiara combo and it hangs a lantern on how ridiculous it is. Now there’s the action. Super powers are expensive to show on screen and can look silly, but the basic enhancement of Luke, just makes him tougher and stronger and the action scenes showcase this perfectly, from the first punch, where someone breaks their hand, to the high stakes final battle in the last episode.

This is a series that is worth watching, does it help to have seen Daredevil and Jessica Jones (both also excellent shows) but it’s not particularly necessary. This is Mike Colter’s show and he owns it, but the ‘villains’ are just as compelling and you root for the supporting cast including the excellent Simone Missick as Misty Knight. There’s the usual easter-egg and references to future stories stuff, but this is quality TV that was so popular, that it seemed to crash netflix itself.

http://www.spin.com/2016/10/netflix-is-down-luke-cage/

Worth the 30 days free trial if nothing else.

Sunday was a nice and easy day, movies with my son and cuddles with the Mighty Rosie in the evening. Feeling positive is easy, when things are going this well and maybe if I carry this on, it may keep going well.

download-1

Also, watched a YouTube video with my son yesterday. I have an interest in Tokusatsu and watched a thing about Tokusatsu (which is mostly Japanese sci-fi TV series) and we got to laugh and enjoy some weird looking and named things together.

I have to go now internet people, I have to go to work, but you know what? I’m still feeling positive. Maybe it does feel like I am pushing the rock up the hill, but I can make it up that hill.

 

 

Posted in Talking on a Terrible Tuesday

Talking on a Terrible Tuesday

Hey there internet people.

My son’s 6th birthday was saturday just gone, but not his birthday, that was weeks ago. When everyone is well, the worst part of the parenting experience isn’t the lack of  sleep, the inability to do what you want whenever or any of that. It’s other parents and when you sort a party out for your boy, you have to invite his friends, hence parents. It’s annoying, it’s frustrating, it’s stressful, but when it works, you’re a champion.

 

Saturday, my wife (The MIGHTY Rosie) and I were champions, we did a morning party in Spring city, which is a trampoline and air bag place, where kids bounce around for an hour. Still a bit too heavy for it, I gave me ticket to my sister in law, who went from her early 30’s to 7 in less than  a second. Everyone had loads of fun, the other parents were nice, then kept to themselves, while I spent time with the in-laws. My parents even took the boy for the afternoon and the evening, leaving me and the Mrs, to enjoy a very lazy saturday and the first sleep in on a sunday for both of us in years.

I have put some of my course writing from my night school thing on wattpadd, which is an act of some bravery for me and after a really chilled weekend, am ready for the week. Which came as a surprise for everyone involved.

So after a monday morning, where I smiled through gritted teeth, I looked at the internet, to catch up on the social media, which I have always seen as a positive. Today it doesn’t feel that way. The three things I keep seeing more and more keep bringing me down. I’m going to put something of my thoughts down, so I can get this stuff out of my head.

I am going to preface this with the fact that this is opinion and anyone is free to disagree.

1: Jeremy Corbyn: Leader of the opposition party

It is amazing how often the same point keeps being made in the press. ‘Jeremy Corbyn is unelectable’. It’s one of those weird saying it enough and it becomes true sort of things. But is it true? If it is, does that matter? When I was younger electable simply met, people would vote for them. I make that distinction because people have voted for him. He won the leadership election, saw off a leadership challenge, then another by winning another leadership election, both times bringing in new members. When the media say ‘electable’ I get the feeling it means more ‘liked by the media’. He is leader of the opposition, so what he is supposed to do is be the alternative to the government and it’s fiercest critic. He’s doing that, he has to take the government to task and keep the pressure on them. Is it such a horrific idea that a left wing party, has a traditional left wing leader?

2: Donald Trump is a viable candidate for the US Presidency

Re-read that. Go on, I’ll wait. How did that happen? The US President is often referred to as the leader of the free world, because for several reasons, many nations and cultures take their cues from the US. It is a nation of great financial, military and cultural power and as a result, the world watches it carefully. What the US does well it does very well, comics, cheeseburgers, TV & film and they took the idea of democracy and really ran with it and these are not small things. Space travel! So, the US holds a place on the world stage that they have earned, so when they do stuff wrong, it gets noticed. This is wrong.

Now this isn’t an ideological thing, I get right wing politics as an idea and though I disagree with many points, I can intellectually understand how this can be a platform, I didn’t like either Bush, nor Romney or McCain, but they were actual people who seemed like they know what they are doing, seemed like they’d do an okay job one day or the other and how tight the races were made a degree of sense, so please this is not me bashing the more conservative/republican people and their beliefs. My fear regarding Trump is that he is a person that cannot in any way shape or form be honestly thought of as the best man for the job, can he? He’s never held public office, he’s a horror of a man, a businessman with 4 bankruptcies and as many failed marriages. This man is neither qualified, suited or really even competent to be a man entrusted with that much power.

America, have spoken to people from there, have seen your cultural contributions and your cavalry like entries in two world wars turned the tides. You deserve better than this guy, you deserve better leaders, better businessmen and to be honest better republican politicians. Is HRC the ideal candidate? I don’t know, is she trustworthy? I don’t know, but have doubts as many others do, but is she a better option? If any americans read this, I’m sorry if you feel I am knocking your nation, I’m not. If you feel I mock your beliefs, I don’t intend to mock any ideology. But this is a dangerous time and voting to a world leader like that would only make things worse. I know this because our foreign secretary is also someone who I can’t imaging who thought would be suitable in that job.

3: The protests

I keep seeing the Colin Kaepernick protest thing online, more and more as many many people put their 2 cents in. Might as well do it myself. I’m on his side. America is a nation built on rebellion and protest, from their creation as a united states, to almost every major social change, rebellion and protest. The flag that he is ‘disrespecting’ is a cloth, that is it. The only meaning it has is what is placed on it. That’s freedom as near as I can see. As ‘not the right forum’ for this kind of protest, well what is? Isn’t the very idea of protest the idea of making your voice heard when it’s not wanted? Colin protested, because he felt he had something to say and he had a place to say it. The fact you don’t like it, says something. It may not mean what you want it to. People died for that flag, for that freedom, so here’s a thought, maybe he felt he couldn’t sit idle whilst he could act. The amount of fuss over this is ridiculous. The man protested, he is free to. You may not like it, you are also free to. The fact that you don’t doesn’t make the protest wrong.

Will just side step the subject of the protest, or we will be here all day.
Got that off my chest.

Now I have pissed off a lot of people, remember this….

We live in a world of wonders, all we have to do is work out how to live together on it.