Hello again internet people.
It’s been a while since I’ve written here. I’ve shared stuff, but not written anything from me for a while.
I’d be lying if I said things had gone great. There’s been tensions, work’s been a nightmare and it’s all felt like it’s getting too much. Have had issues with anxiety, been feeling very down and to be honest unmotivated to do a lot of different things and that’s caused other problems. But here’s the thing of it. When you feel down, it’s very easy to fall into old habits of thinking and go through an old ‘script’ in your mind. There’s a voice, it’s always been there, a voice that is quiet when things are good and clear as day when it’s not. The voice that says “You are not good enough and don’t deserve the good in your life and it will be taken away.” It was upsetting to realise that voice was still very much present, though I don’t have to listen to it now do I?
Things seem to be clearing now, my mind more my own and this week have made got some shit done.
1: Spoke to the doctors, asked for a referral over something and also informed him that of my intention to come off my meds.
2: Took the first step, am reducing them by half for one month.
3: Got a workout routine from my second gym, which while doable is punishing to say the least.
4: Shared that workout with my trainer, who like it and then made sure I suffered for having done it the day before with his own routine.
5: Am going back to slimming world, kinda fell off that recently and am noticing that I have noticed some old cravings returning.
6: Am going to go and clear the backyard out, have been talking about it for a while, but there’s always something else to do isn’t there?
7: Time to start learning to drive, it’s just time to do it, rather than talk about it.
Overall it’s been a rough few weeks for reasons and other reasons and to be honest, there’s that whole when things calm down/start looking better, make these changes. But here’s the thing, that time is never going to happen is it? It’s been hard just doing day to day stuff and I’ve been feeling the weight of it recently. But when that happens, you have to plant your feet and move that weight and get one with your day, I have come a long way, I have further to go, but I have already come so far.
I always tell my son, the only time you fail, is when you give up. Everything else is a set-back.
Be back later internet people.