Posted in Musing on a Miserable Monday

Munky Musings on a Miserable Monday 4: I Will Not Stay Down

Monday is here again internet people.

I’m in work (on a break, clearly) and the day is not going well. Under normal circumstances, this would leave me down, or frustrated. Not today, today I am soaring in spirit.

I finished work last week on the Wednesday afternoon. This is the busiest time of the year for me, but I took two days off to spend with my son.

4:58 pm “Stress, stress, deadline!”

5:01 pm “Time to go home!”

5:03 pm “Zero Fucks Given!”

So on the Thursday, had time with my son, got a haircut with him, got some lunch, bought some comics and had some Dad n’Lad time. Then I took him to Spring City. As any who have followed my blog, or know me through another way, know that I have been on a physical well-being kick since new year. One aspect of which is weight-loss and when my son was last at Spring City (which is a trampoline based activity centre) I was over a stone heavier than the maximum to use the trampolines. Thursday, I was two stone under it. So me and the boy went bouncing. It should be illegal how fun that was. Bouncing, tumbling, dodgeball and it was the best hour of that week. After this, I went to gym and enjoyed a somewhat punishing session. On Friday, I spent the day in with my exhausted boy, but not before getting some food in so I could do tea that night. We had fun and I managed to organise my comics, trade and hardbacks, so that I can turn the spare room into somewhere we don’t call the ‘dangerous room’. Seriously for three years that’s what we’ve called it. I even cooked that night, spicy reggae chicken with rice salad, which although had too much lemon juice, was a lot better than my last attempt. That was a good end to the week, but it was not over yet.

Went to slimming world (see and then went swimming. Been going to meetings and weigh-ins over a swimming pool for 3 1/2 months and only now gone swimming afterwards, bonkers. After some gentle prodding from the MIGHTY Rosie, pushed myself in swimming and swam more than I have in  a couple of years and for just one brief second, I got swimming, I understood why people did it so much. Then it was gone, but I want to do it again, swim more, swim further. We’ll be back again at the weekend though. Sunday, was another good day. Well eventually. My son woke me at 4:50am and for reasons I’ll skate over, I couldn’t just go back to sleep, so I started watching Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D series 4 and 6 episodes in, it’s better than it was last year, I’ll give it that. Then I went to gym, just me and my trainer Ali and when he took a break for a second, with no one else in the gym, I pulled myself up on a bar. Then I did it again. Then moving my arms, I did a more traditional chin up/pull up. Now I am not a physical guy and I have never done stuff like that. But I was seen by Ali and I then did it for him. I did 33 pull ups, getting my chin over the bar. 33! That beats my personal best by…… 33.  I couldn’t believe I did it. I also did jogging for the first time in a year and 50 raised push ups.

That was the point I realised something. My breakdown took so much from me, it has damaged my relationships, it has hampered my work life, it took my trust in myself and my self image. It also took my sense of “Fuck it, why not?” Where I’d try new things, push myself a bit more and yesterday, I felt like I got it back. I’m paying for it now like, in agony today and can barely move my arms, but there it is. Whenever I was asked what I wanted in this recovery, my answer was ‘a better me’ and now I felt like that was there, just for a bit it was there. I want more.

There’s an exercise called the salmon ladder, where you do pull ups and travel up a frame with a bar, doing jumps. There’s also in the gym I use, a ladder like frame for the same thing. I think I had some goals to set here.

I often say that we are more than we feel we are, I can say that today, quite honestly speaking from my own experience. 3 Months ago, none of what happened would have happened I am already becoming a better version of me.

I’m not done yet.

That’s why I can smile today.

Ttfn Internet people



Liverpool based family man and unrepentant geek, trying to understand what's going on in my own head, which is not always being a good place to be. Remember always, we live in a world of wonders.

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