Posted in Feelings on a Friday

Feelings on a Friday 25: 9 Years on

I feel down today, or at least I did, it’s stopped raining and there’s just a touch of sunshine and things don’t seem quite so bad. There’s a metaphor for something in there somewhere I suppose.

Ok, in other news, I went to my first slimming world weigh-in on Saturday and after 4 days of diet plan, have lost 5 1/2 lbs. That’s only 1 1/2 lbs from a half stone. I was thrilled with that and have been ‘on plan’ ever since. I am ridiculously hungry, but that is a post for another day.

This post is the story of 9 years. It was a different world in some ways, in others, it feels like yesterday, but 13th January 2008 will always be the day I got engaged to the Mighty Rosie.

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I’m not going to tell the story here, not fill in the gaps between falling in love and that day, some shit is private and really not my story to tell. But I do want to say a few things, because of who she is and what she means to me.

She’s funny, acerbic at times, inappropriate at others and despite a lack of verbal filter, filthy as fuck. But she is also the most kind hearted, loving and compassionate person I know. From my parents I learned about what love is, I grew up around it and all that stuff, but that’s by example Rosie showed me how to do it. She is my best friend, soulmate, partner in love and adventure and the first person I want to speak to, morning noon or night. She and I share a sense of humour and a darkly sarcastic sensibility and an appreciation for the odd and bizarre. I never fit in anywhere in my entire life, but I never feel that way around her. She is the force of nature we all need in our lives to give us a kick up the bum, the annoyance at times to remind you not to be complacent. All these things are true and have always been true. She is also the mother my beloved son and has taught me so much about how to parent. Also, not quite so new. The more recent revelation is that whilst she has battled her own demons non-stop for years and years (not mine to say, so not going to) she has still been there for me during the worst 4 years of my life. Without her, I’d be suffering depression, instead of battling it. Without her, I’d be a nervous wreck, rather than a slightly nervous mess. The worst part of mental struggles is that feeling that you are alone in this fight. Whenever I feel like that (and there are many) I look at my left hand and the white gold band on my finger that says “I got your back, because I know you got mine.”

To the Mighty Rosie I saw this, you remain my northern star, whenever I see you, I can always find my way home. I love you as much now as I ever have and each day, that grows. I am trying to get back to who I used to be and beyond, I do it for me, but I am on this path to being better, because you have helped me find it.

I remain your loving Munky husband

I remain your Munky

I remain yours

To anyone reading this, who has someone in their life, for whom their heart beats. Tell them this, the harshest things said in a relationship are always the not-said things. To anyone who doesn’t, 11 years ago, I was in the same boat and was blindsided by this wonder, so you never know.

I’m outta here internet people.

Ttfn

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Author:

Liverpool based family man and unrepentant geek, trying to understand what's going on in my own head, which is not always being a good place to be. Remember always, we live in a world of wonders.

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