Been a rough couple of weeks here.
Have discovered I am allergic to rabbits or at least the combination of rabbits and sawdust, have had rough couple of weeks in work, though I’ll admit I know others with more on their plate. I am struggling, but that’s ok.
One of the reasons I am ok, is that I now have developed a distinction between the s**t in my head and the s**t that life is throwing at me, to be honest, that’s a lot of it right now, but that’s all the outside stuff. Work will eventually ease off, medical worries will be addressed and I know, not feel, know that the s**t that’s on me will change. It’ll be replaced with more soon enough I am sure, but it won’t always be this. I am stronger, more so than I have been a while, I am forcing myself to look more to the positive and to acknowledge my own worth and value in a way, I don’t think I ever have. It’s hard to come to terms with the idea that you have such a low opinion of you and your worth and for so long that you have no real idea how that can be slowed and in time reversed.
A while back I posted the idea of cutting ourselves some slack, that we are more than we think we are, when we are down. I am not sure, but maybe it’s time I started doing that more.
The other thing is a simple one, but one the therapist I am seeing (observe everyone’s lack of surprise) took the idea with her, of setting simple goals and completing them. I have always achieved, but I have always achieved based on what has been expected, or what has been needed, so the setting goals for no one but me is relatively new as an idea. So have been setting some goals for myself recently, have applied for a driving license, got myself a theory test app for my tablet and the more recent idea, is the one I am least comfortable with, doing a podcast.
As I have said on too many occasions, part of the form my comics fandom has taken has been an interest in podcasts and other social media extensions regarding comics and as anyone who has read this blog has noticed, have done quite a bit of comic related blogging, but here’s the thing… it’s very much still in my comfort zone. I am writing, one removed from what I am saying and very much more of a passive thing, since I have written more about more internal stuff, it’s clear I may be too comfy, so I need to do something relating to something out of my comfort zone.
I hate my voice.
It’s a bit nasal, higher pitched than I’d like and my accent is stronger recorded than when I speak, how uncomfortable would I be to record my voice and post it? Lets find out. So I’m doing a podcast, have downloaded audacity, ordered a new sound card and just now bought a digital voice recorder. Will start with doing a version of MyMarvelLife, my comics blog and will see where this goes. It may be a new branch of my online presence, or just a one off thing to prove I can do it, I don’t know. But it’s a positive thing that fear and low self confidence has stopped me from doing. If I can do this, if I can learn my driving theory, what else can I do.
I don’t know what I am going to do next, but this feels like a positive.
Will keep you posted internet people.
Ta Ta for Now