Had therapy yesterday, was so anxious about it, had to pull myself out from a panic attack before I went. I know I have to look deal with stuff, but doesn’t mean I have to look forward to it.
One of the many things that came up was, I have a problem with someone, I s**t all over his achievements, point out all his flaws and harp on about them and generally make their life something of a misery. That person is me. I wouldn’t speak to anyone the way I think of myself, but somehow I carry that on. I wear clothes to death, because buying them for me, seems somehow a waste. Have worn the same glasses for 4 years, because that’s a lot of money to spend on me. How messed up is that?
A podcast me and my wife (The Mighty Rosie) used to listen to, it was called (Rachel & Miles X-Plain the X-Men) and they coined the phrase ‘Angry Claremontian Narrator’ to describe narration. The caption boxes would almost shout at the characters. Inside my head is the angry internal monologue. After going back to work and enjoying another s****y work day (end of the month stress) it occurred to me that my therapist was right. I really should take it a bit easier on myself.
It raised a point, shouldn’t we all cut ourselves some slack. We’re all trying to get through this, we all have our struggles. Getting this far, should be a success, not a failure.
You are worth the effort.
You’re doing ok.
Reward yourself from time to time, pay yourself for the work you do.
I tell you this, so maybe I will remember myself.
We all have value, we all have worth.
As an aside, these are the music videos my son watched this morning……
We all need silly in our lives