Well hasn’t this been an up and down sort of week?
After the gut punch of thursday and the feelings I expressed yesterday, I have felt pretty low, but I did the thing that I needed to do, I asked for help.
That’s a harder thing to do than you think, spent my whole life feeling that my problems were my own fault and I just had to do a lot of this myself. My reaction to thursday told me that wasn’t right. Went with my wife (the Always Amazing Rosie) spoke to a different doctor and have been referred. This is a step forward and for the first time since last week, I feel like there’s a forward step to make.
One of the analogies I have used for this is that I felt this was a tunnel or a well I had to get out of. The doctor told me it was more like I had wandered into a maze and got lost, the harder it is to find me way out, the worse I am feeling. The other idea was a ball of string, trying to open it up and it only gets tighter. These feel more hopeful.
I am not better, not really close, but I heard the words from someone who could help me that I suppose I should’ve heard two or three years ago.
“This isn’t that complicated.”
“Lets get you better.”
“This isn’t your fault.”
To anyone suffering, that is the hardest thing to remember, that this is something happening to you, not something you call upon yourself. You didn’t chose this, but you can chose to fight back, fight for your mind, your life and everything else in there of value.
Things can get better, for example to help my son when he didn’t feel well last night, I explained Squirrel Girl to him. It helped, laughter usually does. Tonight, I read the first three with him before bed.
Because some days, we all need to kick butts and eat nuts!