Went to my new doctors yesterday, to ask for help the issues I struggle with seem at times no easier and so I had to go back through my history with a new doctor (editor’s note, didn’t like him) and although he put a referral through for mental health services, I got a very ‘get over it’ vibe. Thing is, all the stuff I felt and thought at the time came back and I spent the rest of the day feeling like I was still as I was two and a half years ago, gripped with fear and languishing in despair.
Today has been rough and there’s no way of getting around that, the urge to panic or break down into tears is at the edges of my mind. But I keep going, I realised that my depression is like being trapped in a well, you don’t always know how deep you are in, but days like yesterday remind you. My wife (the ever amazing Rosie) said that you wait for the rain and then swim up. I think I’ve been waiting for the rain for a couple of years now, need to start climbing again. I know she’ll throw me a rope when I get closer to the top.
If it ever feels like too much, if the fear and sadness well up, there is always hope. Every day we find a reason to smile, is a victory. We all have our demons, we struggle with them every day, but they haven’t won yet, have they?